How Home Education Bonds Family Dynamic

Last week, at Meijer, I was asked an odd question. "Are your kids loving brother and sister? Or do they hate each other?"
My eyes met the cashier inquiring, then traveled over to look at my kids, to see what could have prompted such a question. Were they in quarrel? About to murder one another? No telltale signs. They were contently working together to collect the bags of groceries. I puzzled. "They love each other and are best playmates," I answered honestly.
"That's nice," she said. "End of summer helps."

?? End of summer helps... that sentence hung in the air. I can only assume it was an implication that once my kids "go back to school" and aren't around one another for the majority of their days, it is easier to get along. It reminded me of a recent comment I read on a friend's post, where they had said the number one reason they could NOT homeschool, was "Family Dynamic."

This needs addressing. Mainly because, there are a multitude of hypocrisies within it. First of all, my kids do NOT get along 24/7. They are disagreeing with each other as I type this. However, being home affords them the space to work through their conflicts, and ultimately become closer. Home is the best training ground for relationship. For family dynamic. To say you can't be around each other because you can't be around each other is an oxymoron. It is like saying you can't pick up a book because you don't know how to read. If you don't pick up the book, you will never learn. In "end of summer" mentality, you are simply avoiding the issue. That is not learning to live with something, that is learning to bear it until you can avoid it. Same with discipline or authority issues for parent/child relationships. Secondly, it plays into the sad societal notion that the best thing about summer vacation is when it ends. Photos go viral with applause when moms make jokes at their kids' expense about getting rid of their kids so they can enjoy themselves. Even as homeschoolers, we have a strange Catch 22. We want all kids to have the freedom we enjoy, and yet, we all have to admit, we breathe a relief when our parks and museums and zoos are back to the quiet, uncrowded peace we enjoy during the school year. My kids gasp when we arrive someplace swarming with kids and ask if we can return when the place is useable again.

I don't have the answer. And I know not everyone can homeschool, and that family needs differ-sometimes year to year. But, I wonder at the answer another mom might respond with, who didn't stop to give pause that her children were listening to her answer. Does that not set a tone? If I had said, "they hate each other," would they have believed me?

I get it. Family is hard. It really is! But it is also so rewarding. And edifying. And sanctifying. There is so much you miss out on, if you are simply waiting for summer to end.
Breaks apart, or times of solitude, are healthy. But time together is precisely what makes my kids "a loving brother and sister." God ordained them to be brother and sister. Sibling relationships, family dynamics, whatever you want to call it, don't need end of summer. They need summer year round. We school year round, because living and learning is a lifestyle, not a season.

The Lie that you are worthless

By the time it escalated to the point where I needed to say something, they had exited the building. My heart questioned an appropriate way of getting up to go after them. I didn't.
Now it is haunting me.

Our family was eating dinner out tonight, a few towns over. There was a family behind our table. The mom was clearly frustrated. My heart went out to her. I've been there. I didn't hear the man speak, but the woman was yelling at her kid. There were 3 boys. I would say the older two were maybe 10 and 14. The youngest, the one on the receiving end of her anger, was little. My husband and I estimate no older than 5 years old. It got uncomfortable to listen to, particularly because we could not hear or see any cause for the fuel of upset she was spraying. But we continued with our own table business and conversation with our kids. Eating out is a rarity for us. When she had raised her voice too much with repeated "ENOUGH," I felt compelled to turn around and make eye contact with her, both to convey sympathy for her, and to make her aware of her surroundings again, to help her find a calm center. I refrained, in fear that she may, in her heightened state of anxiety, view it as a glance of judgement toward the boy, and take it out on him more. Embarrassment can drive regretful choices. Whatever he was doing, was far, far less scene causing then her reaction to it. Whatever she had had 'enough' of from this kindergarten aged child, it was her who needed to be told 'enough.' I will never be unconvinced of such after hearing her haunting words as she left the restaurant with him, telling him to 'shut up', and whatever plans they had that he didn't deserve. And then, the deal breaker. If it had come when she was still in the room with me, I am certain I would have spoken. Because every mom has been in those moments, where they have had ENOUGH. Every mom had been pushed to their breaking point by tiny people. Sometimes, it feels like every day. This boy was not having a tantrum, but even if he had been, her final words were inexcusable.
She left the man and other boys at the table to pay, and, as she led this small, vulnerable little boy out the door, she said the unimaginable.

"You're worthless."

My heart smashed. My eyes welled. Did I really just hear that? I glanced to my husband, my expression likely wild and bent. I searched his face. He hadn't heard. Had I imagined it?

I started praying. I turned to look at their table. The man and boys were occupied on screens. I felt like the Iceburg notice had just been shuffled around the Titanic and ignored.

The entire way home, I prayed that this boy, and ALL children who are told verbally, physically, emotionally and spiritually, that they are NOTHING, break free of that lie. I don't care who is telling them that. The world, their own mother, their father, their teacher, their peers.... how many of us have had this message thrown in our face? In one form or another, it comes from every direction. And it is a LIE. From the pit of Hell, it is a lie. Every human being, from womb to grave, has worth. We are not evolved pond scum.

I don't know that mom. She may be a horrible mom every day, she may be a fantastic mom who had a horrible day and chose to let horrible words come out of her mouth. Perhaps, and I pray so, she immediately recognized her mistake and has repented, asked her son forgiveness, and made it known to him he has immeasurable value. Perhaps those words she said will echo in her mind, like they are in mine, and be the turning point she needs. If words of affirmation are a love language, then this is the opposite. May it be so that all parents who speak in such a life robbing way, repent and be changed, by the grace and mercy of Yeshua. This is my prayer. And my message to every single person reading this? You.are.not.worthless! Don't let anyone, including yourself, tell you otherwise. Hurt people tend to hurt people, even without realizing it. I can't find that small boy tonight and tell him he is wonderfully made in the image of God, and that he is valuable beyond measure. But I can tell all of you. You have worth. You have value. You matter.